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Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 7 hours and 25 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: Tantor Audio
Audible.com Release Date: November 21, 2011
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English, English
ASIN: B006B17THE
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
The insight I got from this book was amazing. The author must have been a fly on the wall of my childhood. While my mother is a covert, vulnerable narcissist, and that type is not covered at all in this book, there were still plenty of sections that pertained to her behavior and how that damaged my sister and I. The chapters explaining that daughters of narcissists will go in either one of two directions blew me away as that's exactly what my sister and I did. I have answers now to questions I've had for decades, all because of this book.
Holy crap! I am 31 years old, and only now have I come to terms with the limitations of my mother during my childhood, brought to light by this book. I went into therapy last year after realizing I was seriously underachieving, yet remained passive like a leaf in the wind( this was due to the fact that I was always on other people's agendas and unable to act individually.) I realized I was codependent, stemming from being a peacemaker/emotional caretaker at a very young age... and that my "value" to my mom was and is 100% based on actions. She would verbatim say phrases for years such as "I wish you were never born" to "you are a burden" pointblank over and over and over. I was naturally a smart kid and excelled easily in school, but very early on I learned how to shrink myself. In my mid-20s, after having much less contact with my mom (she does not initiate contact 99% of the time) yet still not dealing with any issues I nearly lost my voice. It was so strange and I just knew it was psychosomatic. It has strengthened since the codependent work and after I've read this book and understand where this whole thing developed from I know it will be strong. I would read the codependent books that talk about valuing oneself intrinsically rather than on what one does... I literally could not get this concept into my brain at all. There was a massive block, and only now do I realize WHY: I have been trained since birth to believe this, and actually live and experience an exclusively conditional environment. If you withhold love from a child you may as well withhold air.Please read this book if you even suspect you have a diminishing, overly self-centered mother. It is such a taboo in our society. It is a very hard concept to accept, which Dr. McBride reiterates over and over. We have been trained to be "good girls" and we all want that ideal family in our heads. Outwardly, my parents are still married, their three daughters grew up and flew the coup and they got a dog. Behind the curtain is a nightmare. Now when people ask me if I'm close to my mom I say "nope". I'm done carrying on the torch of pain, delusion and BS. This doesn't mean I will stop talking to her or retaliate in any way, it just brings me out of a deluded, painful and ineffective way of living my life, which is not at all the real me. I wish the best for both of us.
For so long I never understood why I felt like I wasn't good enough. Barely minutes after picking up this book after yet another Thanksgiving/Christmas ruined by my mother, I do. I skimmed it in B&N and I'm reading it again in detail and it's changing my life. At 30 I'm finally able to figure out why I feel like I'm underserving of anything whether it being a relationship or career success despite being a consistent over achiever for my entire life. I felt guilty for even thinking my mother is a maternal narcissist because she's done so much for me. But now I know that she's an engulfing maternal narcissist.I like that punishing narcissistic mothers isn't a theme in this book. If readers don't want to, or don't feel that they can have a relationship with their mother then that's their prerogative but that isn't the objective. It's to identify, come to terms with things and heal so you can live a better life and break the cycle.
This passed February at 91, my loving but now I've discovered highly narsacistic mother past away. At 54, and her only child, I was the only target she had. Though I'm only halfway through, I've already gained so much knowledge into why she was the way she was. One great thing as well, though it doesn't label any as such, I've learned valuable lessons in parenting my own, now grown children.
This book is great. As a mental health professional I would also recommend this book to those who are dealing with CPTSD as a result of having a narcissistic mother. Before I bought the book, I was concerned because of some of the negative reviews. However, this book is very comprehensive and feel that maybe those who gave the book a negative review may have not wanted to do the hard work.I knew the book was right for me when I read the beginning. The book is to help you on your healing journey, not bash your family of origin. The book comes from a place of compassion. The book covers empirical evidence of the results of narcissistic mothers on their daughters. It gives a variety of clinical examples, as well as ways that you can see where your mother is on the narcism spectrum. It does into detail about some of the symptoms, feelings, and thoughts you may be experiencing as a result of childhood stresses/trauma.The final part of the book is a guide for your healing journey. The work is incredibly difficult, but also incredibly rewarding! The only thing I wish McBride added was self-soothing techniques. I love the way she discusses taking alone time to think, journal, and process past experiences, but it does not provide any ways for calming down anxiety. I think many who read this might have PTSD, and there was not much information in this book about how those with trauma should approach exercises.If you don't have any self-soothing techniques, you might want to develop one for working through this book--such as meditation and mindfulness. The writing exercises and steps she gives you are what a good therapist would recommend to process a stressful childhood. Like I said previous, it is NOT easy work, but it is REWARDING work. Very worth while. I have already bought this book for others.
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